I’m Lonely

Posted on January 27, 2014 by Todd Beal

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Where must I go to be accepted, and who must I become to want myself? Maybe others will want me too if, first, I want me more than they do.

Todd Beal

About Todd Beal

I love truth and its facts. I love thought-provoking conversations that give both the other person and me a better understanding of a particular topic. I love to find answers to life-long questions; answers that let me see things for what they are instead of what they seem to be. I truly enjoy being in the midst of a group of people where all individuals are joining in, where everybody is enjoying the company of each other. I relax in the company of individuals who are competent yet humble. I like to catch myself doing or saying something ridiculous and then laugh my head off. I enjoy my church and being involved.
This entry was posted in By Title [L], Lonliness, Love, Personal Uniqueness, Solitude and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to I’m Lonely

  1. Diane Beal says:
    January 27, 2014 at 11:00 AM

    Hi Todd

    I want you to know that this posting is very well written.

    For me personally, because of the way I interpreted some of the messages on humility as I was growing up, I had believed that believing in oneself was prideful. I am sure I misinterpreted the intent of the messages. Part of it may have been due to my shyness as well as my lack of ability to think for myself.

    I have finally accepted myself and I really “want me”. I don’t believe this has caused me to be prideful. At least, that is how I feel and am hoping others see me as confident and not prideful. Have a great day, Todd.

    I still can say I love my son.

    Mom

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    • Todd Beal says:
      January 28, 2014 at 4:22 AM

      Absolutely, Mom. Your comment captures the whole purpose of this post: I cannot truly obtain humility and at the same time hate myself. It is only when we recognize, and own, what we are that we can finally reach out to Christ, dig in, and begin becoming whom he created us to be.

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  2. irishanglican ~ Fr. Robert says:
    January 27, 2014 at 11:54 AM

    Surely for the Christian, we must find ourselves accepted before God In Christ, to find our real wholeness! To really love ourselves.. is to love Christ! And really only then, can we love others also! Btw, Paul knew and taught the great Judeo and Christian interior-life, as ‘In Christ’. This reminds me of something I read about John Wesley, who in ‘The Prayer Room at Wesley’s House, London. He used to pray here night and morning: ‘I sit down alone; my God is here.’ There is no perfection here, save as we learn to know and trust Christ, but as Paul wrote in Col. 1: 27-28…”which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” See Paul’s great pastoral heart here! Chapter 2: 1-2… “That their hearts may be comforted, they being knit together in love, and all riches of the full assurance (or fullness) of understanding, that they may know even the mystery of God, even Christ, In whom are all treasures of wisdom and knowledge hidden.” (Col. 2: 1-3)

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    • irishanglican ~ Fr. Robert says:
      January 27, 2014 at 12:17 PM

      “The most perfect freedom consists in obeying the dictates of right reason, and submitting to natural law. When a man goes beyond or contrary to the law of nature and reason, he becomes the slave of base passions and vile lusts; he introduces confusion and disorder into society, and brings misery and destruction upon himself. This, therefore, cannot be called a state of freedom, but a state of the vilest slavery and the most dreadful bondage.”

      –Samuel West (1776) West was a Unitarian, but even in the 18th century, Natural law was still in effect! Now sadly we can see a culture that is casting this off, and to “base passions and vile lusts.”

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    • Todd Beal says:
      January 28, 2014 at 5:59 AM

      Fr. Robert,

      [Surely for the Christian, we must find ourselves accepted before God In Christ, to find our real wholeness! To really love ourselves… is to love Christ! And really only then, can we love others also!]

      Absolutely. However, I know a good many Christians who, beside the fact that they accepted Christ into their heart, do not know what it means to “want me” and, in fact, are afraid of doing so (as my mom pointed out in the first comment).

      If we would apply Christ’s following commandment equally toward our self, ‘me the person’, we would have a whole lot less judgmental persons in the Church. We would at last begin to realize what true humility really is – no hype, no arrogance, no pharisaism, just a pure living out of Christ within us.

      John 13:34-35 [NASB]: 34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

      With that said, Fr. Robert, I agree 1o0% with what you say here, and it is right on target in pointing out the “fix” for what I tried to illuminate with this post. Thank you.

      The whole point of this post was to, first, point out a real problem that plagues so many of us (loneliness from self-rejection), and, second, to point out the solution to that problem (I must want me, value me, more than others want me). And, as you pointed out, Christ alone is our path to achieve that solution.

      For almost every blog post here on Truth Behind Reality, I attempt to employ the following method: 1. Identify a problem, 2. Introduce the solution. My goal here on Truth Behind Reality is to compel individuals to think – in a meaningful and soul-searching way – about the problems we each face so that they will want to find their solution through truth; which, ultimately, always begins and ends in Christ (the source of truth), even at the most seemingly mundane levels. And along that path, if we accept him, he performs a work in us; “the me” is his work. We each need to accept that ‘work’, love that ‘work’ as Christ loves the Church, and work with him in partnership, open-heartedly facilitating him the whole way toward that end.

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  3. NewLeafLeader says:
    January 27, 2014 at 5:07 PM

    Great post Todd, as always. For me, self-acceptance has always been logical. I accept that God loves his spiritual offspring universally. Therefore, he loves me, hence how can I despise myself? Still, showing a lack of integrity with myself or others gives the adversary leverage over my self-acceptance through guilt. You and I know there is only one Answer to guilt, as Fr. Robert points out in his first comment above. As we become clean through Christ, the most powerful, unassailable self-esteem can truly blossom, and it fills us with a desire to lift others up as well.

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    • irishanglican ~ Fr. Robert says:
      January 27, 2014 at 9:37 PM

      Amen to sound logic always! But let us also not forget that often God somewhat transcends HIS own logic! And here we are pressed somewhat into the biblical place of mystery! But again biblical mystery is always close to logic, we cannot just give lip service to logic, and jump off into mystery either. So we must always begin with logic and reason, to some degree. But God is not just a logician, but the transcendent Other! 🙂

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    • Todd Beal says:
      January 28, 2014 at 6:33 AM

      [Still, showing a lack of integrity with myself or others gives the adversary leverage over my self-acceptance through guilt.]

      You hit the nail right on the head, Michael! I see this play out over and again in numerous lonely individuals (that is not to mean ‘All lonely individuals’). So many of us treat our self so cruelly because we ‘feel’ we don’t deserve anything from God. Well, actually we don’t deserve anything from God. If we did, we would be our own savior and would not need Christ who died on the cross to save us from eternal death. But the fact remains that we were made in his image, and that puts our personal value at priceless. THAT is why he died on the cross to redeem us – to take back what is rightfully his: you, me, his creation, a value that goes beyond any price.

      If I wanted me as much as Christ wants me, wouldn’t that mean I would be completely open to Christ who is within me? Jesus empower me to strive through you toward that end.

      Thanks a lot Michael. It’s good to talk to you again.

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  4. EDOMS THORN says:
    January 28, 2014 at 12:06 PM

    Hello Todd,

    I have struggled with being lonely, even while I am not alone. Wanting to be accepted, I question my purpose, while I examine my self-worth. I believe that we each have “A” gift. One special ability, given by God, for the edification of the Body. And if we are allowed or allow ourselves to utilize that gift, then we can achieve the highest level of personal acceptance because we will be moving and living in the perfect will of God. And your Mom is right, it is not “prideful”…

    I had pondered these two Scriptures for over thirty years, trying to take from them what Gods purpose was for creating Man;

    Psalm 8:1-5 “When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour”.

    Hebrews 2:1-7 “Therefore we ought to give the more earnest heed to the things which we have heard, lest at any time we should let them slip. For if the word spoken by angels was stedfast, and every transgression and disobedience received a just recompence of reward; How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation; (it continues, and further) .” For unto the angels hath he not put in
    subjection the world to come, whereof we speak. But one in a certain place testified, saying, What is man, that thou art mindful of him? ect.

    AS I understand, the Angels had questioned Gods “fairness” in condemning Lucifer to the Lake of Fire, so God created Adam and Eve and set into motion ALL of the events that lead up to Jesus Christ and Gods plan of salvation for those that love and obey Him, and finally puts down Lucifer’s rebellion! I believe that is why God Created Man, and why we should pray “Thy Kingdom Come”.

    I have believed that the fall of Lucifer, was before the Creation of Genesis, and I have recently found that that maybe what happened.

    Did God create the earth first to have a place for the lake of fire?

    I found this article to be of some help;
    Fall of Satan
    http://www.middletownbiblechurch.org/doctrine/satanfal.htm

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    • Todd Beal says:
      January 29, 2014 at 4:28 AM

      Edoms Thorn (I don’t know your name),

      There is too much material I would have to address to give an adequate response to your comment. I am open to discussing/debating the issues you present here, but I wish to keep this particular blog post conversation centered on the topic of loneliness.

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  5. Eliezer Vazquez says:
    May 2, 2014 at 1:54 AM

    Many times have I felt the loneliness that is mentioned. The worst feeling to have, is loneliness within one’s self. People feel lonely because they perceive a lack of connection to their fellow peers. Not feeling a connection to one’s own spirit is the worst form. Every time I felt this way, I told myself that there was always a purpose for my existence. Even if, at that time, it was nothing more than to make one person happy in some way. Slowly but surely, the reconnecting process progressed. I’m still young and have much of life to explore but I can say I know what true emptiness feels like. I try to fill that lonely hole with love for my fellow man.

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    • Todd Beal says:
      May 2, 2014 at 4:10 AM

      Eli, your comment is sobering and your summary of loneliness is so true:

      1. People feel lonely because they perceive a lack of connection to their fellow peers.
      2. Not feeling a connection to one’s own spirit is the worst form of loneliness.

      From personal experience, I find that #1 appears as the root cause of loneliness. But in reality, #2 is the root symptom; separation from our source – Jesus – is the root cause; and #1 is the end result – personal breakdown, the final straw.

      By the way, it is my experience that both unbelievers and true Christians alike struggle with loneliness, including deep loneliness. We humans are deeply broken and weak – we are not self-sufficient (contrary to what we want to believe). I can tell you though; unbelievers lack that deep inner peace of knowing within whom their eternal life rests. Nothing can take the place of knowing that come what may, when this life is over we will be with Jesus our creator and savior, forever.

      Revelation 21:1-4

      New American Standard Bible (NASB)

      The New Heaven and Earth

      21 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, 4 and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”

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